This blog will document my journey in daily 50-word poems since taking myself off social media to refind a sense of direction in my life.
I just wanted to see
if I had any messages
I miss my online friends
but felt the familiar glazing
over
from spending seconds
scrolling down my profile pictures
so there was no temptation to linger
any longer
letting minutes and hours of my creativity
reduce down to sizzling nada
a world of company
just a few taps away
behind the black mirror
that shows me my true
biological facial ugliness
almost forgotten when I
beautify all with emojis
a Disney Land of soothing
scrolling licking likes
salivating stories suck me
shares swiping me into
any world of my choosing
I’m a guitar
with a broken neck
unplayable but
unable to play
to join in with the
band no glue to bind
just another voice
shut in a box
unable to play
with a broken neck
I’m a guitar
with a broken neck
unplayable but
unable to play
just yet
the stars are waiting for
me to wonder at them
to trust the universe will
cradle me in my final chance
before Brexit to escape
this grey Britain
this catch 22 without
variation or end
until my much deserved
chance of a fresh start
away from my abusers
will die
where I fit into this world
is becoming clearer
without the pull of social media
because signs are sharper
poets speak louder and
I’m no longer trapped
in that bathroom of yesterday
being beaten by my family
I said no more to years ago
today I can walk away
forever
migraine clouding
wind swirling
letterbox slamming
another day
of waiting
to start
my life
a bright
new book
my heart’s
already read
and sees
me there
in countryside
instead of
litter-strewn
grey Hainault
where I’m
adding thoughts
shifting paper
avoiding stabbings
another day
of waiting
to start
my life
again
one layer of reality
or unreality less to
confuse my confusion
zeroing in on
complete isolation
save for a beautiful
voluptuous and warm
woman who understands
to cuddle into for eternal
night without our peace
and contentment being
broken open by
the axe of worldly
happenings that will
never stop
I’m afraid of not having
a YouTube yoga teacher
to make decisions
about poses I need
but I can make up
mantras and leave
this chair the shape of
my ass and find a
shop where all life is
while my answer
amid scribbling on
tracing paper will
mysteriously appear
my hands guided to
pick up Rumi more
“having his own
experience of the
unseen” feeling the
tight architecture of
my hips widening
to tears filling the
pages in-between
with a patch of mint
velvet grass enclosed
in a semicircle of
granite mountains
my life vision but
I’m not there
to reject social media completely is impossible
when I need YouTube for work and yoga I long to
show YouTubers my appreciation without liking
and getting locked into checking for notifications
because checking is what my OCD’s about
which I struggle to stop and to trust
in my inner compass
2020: My Year Off Social Media 