any amount of whatever in my life I know in my bones is bad for me will hold me back in my work will steal my peace will compromise my values will blur my standards will jeopardise my mental health is not believing that I deserve better so ditch WordPress Sorry, guys: Thanks forContinue reading “Day 34”
Monthly Archives: February 2020
Day 33
Magdalene was an intense thought I’d lose my inner peace to each time I posted the most powerful of attraction potions I was too quick to absorb I’d write out the words stuck in my throat trying to get healthy inside myself but I needed that stable feed of Magdalemania
Day 32
I go to bed and dream that I’m dead because nobody cares about me nobody would notice if I didn’t exist I’d leave no hole in someone’s life or any work of enough social merit to deserve being remembered for I was just a biological mistake but Buddy loves me
Day 31
past fears stone sweets workshopped weapon brooding car little things screaming trees downstairs bangs quiet loo rare mark last minute suspicious test splintered postcode young arms dead car blighted iron melodramatic dog clothes talk truck wreck obsessive love latched gate stopped handgun sleepy Sheffield gardener gone ovum sample by herself
Day 30
my resolve to stay off social media dissolved like tears melt the eyes because despite my yearning to be Roddy ash I needed to connect to others on this side of the receiving room and to know that Roddy left for us verses that make my life worth mightily living
Day 29
my brain’s scrambled it’s not big enough to hold everything that’s happened within my fucked-up family it can’t make connections takes the shortcut to my abuse mires itself in acute loneliness sticky consequences causing me to interrogate my motivations to distrust others Continue reading “Day 29”
Day 28
breakfast phone addiction selfie addiction follower addiction am selfie addiction follower addiction phone addiction lunch follower addiction phone addiction selfie addiction pm phone addiction selfie addiction follower addiction tea follower addiction phone addiction selfie addiction bedtime selfie addiction selfie addiction selfie addiction night-timeContinue reading “Day 28”
Day 27
glad to have outrun the grip of social media but never my mind inviting stuff to feel guilty about to tuck in more European outbreaks after the bone dust of Brexit parties settles leaving a bloody stream and Roddy having been dead twenty-two days a skeleton of a bird swinging
Day 26
taking one small bag onto my flight back from Dublin forced me to shed a pair of dirty pants and socks flat grey slippers with the compact foam peeping out five years old mascara and a stump of eyeliner plus a beige woolly hat I looked like a gnome in
Day 25
in Dublin’s Griffin Park Drumcondra I put around me the orange flower scarf from Paris that’d been protecting my melodica I lifted to my blueing lips and played improvisations contemplating the seasons going on without Roddy as ducks slipped down small river rapids then black Scottie Lester sniffed my fingers